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Unfortunately, today many seemingly happy families end up getting a divorce and this is resulting in an increasing number of the "army" of children who have already survived the crisis of this loss in the preschool age.
Parents have to take responsibility for the child if they have failed to create a strong family that would be an example for their son or daughter. Therefore, they must tell the child about such a decisive step as a divorce.• What happens to a child after a divorce?
Particularly important and dangerous for both the child and for the mother is the first period after divorce since it is at this time that the child needs increased attention from the mother. At this time, both parents need to give love and support, as well as stay strong, reliable in the eyes of the child, and able to protect them from all the troubles at any moment.
This is vital for mental health, psychological development and the inner balance of a small child. And from the moment when the son or daughter tries to feel the infinite power of maternal love, the woman herself now matter in what tense mental state she is herself, needs to take care of her children. When experiencing a divorce, a woman may fall into depression, even longer and more severe than after her husband's death. Immersed in her grief, she sometimes tries to stay away from a child, considering herself a victim.
At the same time, the unmotivated aggression against children causes them feeling guilty and it gives rise to internal contradictions. The children do not understand why their parents have changed so dramatically, they begin to think that mom and dad do not love them anymore. In fact, their parents have always stayed by their side, it was their treating that changed and small kids feel these slightest changes very well.• Main advice on how to help a child to cope with parents’ divorce
If you love your children, in spite of the events that have occurred in your life, explain to them that there may be some negative traits in their parents, but they always love their child and will always protect them.
The reaction of the child to the news about the divorce of the parents depends on the child's personal qualities, so it is important during this period to respond correctly to the all the emotions of the child in order to provide them with psychological assistance and track if everything is right with a child in general.
Talking with your child sincerely, you give them the opportunity to express their feelings openly.
In no case should a child feel guilty of these events. One cannot say: "You were misbehaving, so your daddy will not come back to us!" Such allegations are devastating to children. The feeling of guilt causes the formation of an inferiority complex.
The sense of safety and support must be provided both by mother and father. They must show that nothing changes drastically for a child. Their son or daughter will still have two loving parents, they just won’t live together as they used to.
Do not create coalitions: your child not only has the right to love both parents, but also the right to be loved by both of you! This is not a war to choose a side you will ally, think about your child first.
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